About the Author J. D. Santucci (a.k.a. "Tuch") began his railroading career in 1978 as a trainman on the Missouri Pacific. After a round of lay-offs in 1985, Tuch embarked on a railroad odyssey, working in many different situations for different roads. This column tries to explain some of the nuts and bolts of the job and also demonstrates what we have to deal with on a regular basis within and without the industry. Tuch currently works through freights out of Chicago for Canadian National/Illinois Central. ©1999, 2003-2007 JD Santucci. Logo ©2002 The Railroad Network. By J.D. Santucci

September 09, 2002
After several rather technical pieces, it is time to have a little fun as we study another outbreak of Head-Up-Assitis. As long as there are railroads, there will be "cranial rectal inversion." Although this disease is not limited to those in transportation, it abounds throughout all facets and walks of life. As long as there is human life on this planet, this medical disorder will continue to not only survive, but thrive. Isn't human nature great?

No matter how good or how well-trained one is in their profession, they can have brief bouts of that little displacement of upper and lower torso. Generally, it seems to occur far more often to those who are not the best and the brightest in their fields. This is how some people become management in various businesses and industry throughout the world. After performing one or even a multitude or hair brained events, they are promoted to a position where they can do the least amount of damage. Others remain part of the rank and file and soldier on getting ample opportunity to stretch the hair even thinner. There is no known cure and as far as I can tell, no research currently on going to prevent the spread of this medical mystery. Perhaps we should start an organization.

And as before, to be fair to those involved in all the events we will study here, names, railroads and locations will not be disclosed to protect the guilty.

One hot summer we were really getting barraged with mosquitoes. It seemed they were as big as quarters. One Conductor decided to do something about them. He unleashed one of those bug bombs inside of his caboose. Unfortunately for him, he didn't take into consideration the fact the caboose is a very confined space in which to work. The caboose almost immediately became uninhabitable. As a result of his bright idea, both he and the Flagman had to ride on the back porch for miles until the fog from this bug bomb dissipated.

Our first study today involves a Conductor working a local. They entered an industrial lead clearing the main track, lining back the switch and restoring the derail after they pulled their train into the clear. Instead of walking up to the head end of the train or even just hopping the caboose like he should have done, the Conductor decided to take the easy way out. He informed his Engineer to back the train up to pick him up on the head end. Neither one had considered the fact they had a derail placed into the derailing position behind their train. Nor did they consider the fact there was no room to shove back as they had just cleared the main track.

The Engineer willfully obliged the request from the Conductor and began to quickly back the train up. Before the emergency application took effect bringing everything to a stop, the caboose and two cars had turned over on their sides. At least they were still clear of the main track.

This next lesson involves a Conductor who appeared not once, but twice in the last episode of "CRI." He has developed quite a history and earned a great honor of appearing more than anybody else has in this category. Perhaps I should give him some kind of award. Maybe if we ever get a Hot Times logo designed and printed on T-shirts, I can award him with one with a notation on the back that he is number one in cranial rectal inversion.

Anyway, this guy was instructed to shove a cut of cars coupled to a pair of idling locomotives into the clear in a track and cut them off. The Car Inspectors would then take over and work the cut for an outbound train. Key on the words, "shove them into the clear and cut them off." This means shove them into the track, stop the cut and cut them off. Sounds simple enough, right?

Well, this guy made the task even easier. He let the cut of cars and two locomotives go while they were still moving. Saved him and his Engineer a couple of steps he did. I guess he figured if he just let them roll into the track kind of easy, they would all just drift to stop quite nicely.

They stopped all right, after they plowed into a cut of covered hoppers loaded with grain. They collided with your basic impenetrable force. The loads of grain didn't move; they didn't give either. What did give were the locomotives. Both of them derailed with one of them sustaining significant damage. As a result, the train that was supposed to use these engines was horribly delayed.

On the subject of wrecking engines, another guy I worked with managed to render some damage to a couple of locomotives. There were several dead locomotives en route to the scrapper's torch. Dead in tow locomotives are a lot of dead weight (no pun intended, but since it is on the table…) coming in with much more weight than a loaded freight car. Dead locomotives are never supposed to be cut off in motion; never.

"When I say never, I mean never!"

One morning this Conductor is switching the cut with the dead locomotives. They were not all together but separated by several cars each. These locomotives were all going to the same place but the cars in between them were not, so they had to be switched out. This Conductor decides to drift the first of three dead locomotives into a track. As the switching continued, he drifted another locomotive in on top of the first one. When that second locomotive struck the first one in the track, the couplers of both of these locomotives by-passed each other instead of coupling. This means the couplers on each engine skirted off each other allowing them to strike the end sheets or pilots of each locomotive. This created some lateral force derailing both of the engines.

This little bit of information was unknown to the Conductor as he let the third locomotive go into the track. When it hit the other two, which were now derailed, it caused further problems as the rail under all of these locomotives rolled over from the impact. Now, all three dead engines were derailed and there was considerable track damage. The boys with the big yellow toys had to be called to pick up the derailed locomotives and place them back on rail. The Track Department had to be called out to repair the damaged track as well. So much for this little short cut.

At one railroad, several Car Inspectors decided to take a short cut across the yard with a brand new truck. They successfully managed to get it stuck on one of the tracks in the yard. Instead of calling the Yardmaster and advising him of their dilemma, they went to get some assistance. I guess they didn't want to give themselves up. While these guys were soliciting assistance, a crew in the yard was switching cars. Unaware of what was going on with the stuck pick up truck, the Conductor let four loads of sand go into this very track. The sand cars creamed this truck totally destroying it.

A Car Foreman that was known for driving like a wild man joins the CRI list. His tactics were almost legendary. One evening while tearing through the yard all hell bent to get some place quickly, he struck a rut in the road and lost control of the truck. He proceeded to smash into a cut of railcars in a track along side the road. Another demolished truck. He was awarded with sixty days off without pay for his efforts.

One day a yard crew was working with the anticipation of getting an early quit. An early quit was getting to go home when your work was completed regardless of the time. So if you got your work done in say, six and a half hours, you got to tie up and go home being compensated a full days pay in the process. Anyway, these guys were working for the quit, but were informed by the Yardmaster late in their day they would not be going home after all, but would continue to work instead. They were not a happy bunch.

When they finally did get to tie up and go home, they went to the bar and had a few drinks instead. While they were drinking, they began to discuss the events of the day. After a few more drinks, they decided to go and get even with the Yardmaster over the day's events. It was rather late in the evening when they headed over to his house banging on the door. When he answered, they proceeded to beat him up. After the smoke cleared and the dust settled, all of these guys wound up being dismissed from the railroad. Their dismissals lasted for several years before they were able to be reinstated.

In another episode of away from workplace violence, an Engineer was upset with getting some bad information about working on Christmas Eve. He was told he would work that evening and wound up not getting out. His wife and family had gone off to visit relatives leaving him behind to work. Incensed over the situation, he decided to start drinking. While drinking and mulling over his poor stroke of luck, he decided to seek revenge. He got into his truck and drove over to one of the official's homes and began pounding on the door. When the officer answered, this Engineer punched the guy squarely in the eye. He told this guy another official would be next on his "hit list" and proceeded to head over to this guy's house.

While the hit maker was en route to his next gig, he managed to run his truck off the road wrecking it and his chances for back to back, or maybe it would be face to face hits.

He was dismissed for his actions. He remained off the job until the officer on the receiving end of his fist was eventually transferred to another location. This was some two years later.

Another guy I worked with joined the list from shear stupidity. He showed up at work drinking a bottle of no alcohol beer. The Superintendent saw this and immediately questioned the guy's sanity. They guy explained this was no alcohol beer so it was okay. The Super told him to read the label, especially the part where it says "May contain one half of one percent of alcohol by volume." The Super went on to explain to this guy that this was effectively a violation of Rule G (which prohibits the use of drugs and alcohol). Instead of being pulled out of service, he was simply sent home and warned to not let it happen again.

A good friend of mine, known for some of his outlandish actions is awarded a CRI medallion for this episode. He was switching out an industry pulling the empty car out and respotting a loaded one. The car he was respotting was at the wrong end of his engine, so they would need to either run around it, or perform a drop to get it into the proper position. Not wanting to take the extra ten or fifteen minutes to perform the run around move, they chose to drop the car. Not a problem as this procedure was done often.

A drop, also known as a flying switch or running switch, is performed as follows; you place the members of your crew in position to perform the task. Then, you test the switch you will use to assure it will line easily and also test the hand brake on the car to assure it will work properly and stop the car as designed. Once said tests are performed, you being by starting to accelerate the locomotive and car or cars you wish to drop. The Engineer will then reduce (not shut down) the throttle a bit, possibly apply some locomotive brakes to slightly retard the speed enough to allow the slack between the engine and car run in enough to operate the pin lifter to uncouple the car. After receiving the sign from the crewmember pulling the pin, the Engineer then accelerates rapidly away from the car. Once clear of the switch to be used, a crewmember at that switch will quickly line it for the following car or cars to roll into that track. When said car or cars roll completely into the clear, the hand brake is operated on the car to stop it. The engine is then brought back out of where it was ducked into the clear and into the track where the car went, coupled on and you then go about your business.

Sometimes this works with no problem, other times it does not. When it doesn't is being saved for a "When Things Go Haywire" column of the future. This particular episode went well, only a little too well. Nobody tested the hand brake on the car and when the time came to stop it, the car would not stop, the hand brake did not work. Oh oh.

My buddy (who was the Conductor this day) was riding the car and suddenly learned of his dilemma. The car was rolling at a decent clip but not too fast, right towards the industry they where switching. He could not stop the car and while the door on the end he was going to shove the car into the plant was open, the one on the other end was closed. One of the Foremen at the plant, who was a neighbor and friend of this guy's was observing the situation and realized his buddy was in serious trouble. He ran to the other end of the plant and depressed the button to open the door at that end. Fortunately for my buddy, this guy's quick thinking saved the railroad considerable money in a new door and an investigation on the crew involved.

The door rolled up, the car rolled through the now open doorway just clearing the now barely opened door and out the other end of the plant. This Foreman and my buddy said they were both throwing debris like scrap lumber and the like onto the rail to slow and stop the car. When it hit the bumper post at the end of the track, it was rolling very slowly and did no real damage.

It seems the industry gods out muscled the railroad gods on this day. While he got an award for CRI, he managed to remain gainfully employed at the same time. The only ones who knew of the event were the crew, the plant Foreman and then me when he recounted this episode to me. It is good to be able to beat the railroad gods sometimes.

This week we remember the events of September 11th, 2001. I ask all that of my American readers to remember to fly the Stars and Stripes proudly this week. Take time to remember the ones whose lives were lost, those who were injured and those that while they survived the events without physical injury, have been scarred forever by the terrible events of this date. I ask that all of my readers worldwide take a moment to remember as well. There were people from all lands and walks of life involved. Somehow, many of us had a direct connection to somebody there via business, friendship or family.

I would also urge you do something else patriotic and humanitarian as well, donate blood. Many came forth last year after the attacks to donate (including many people that were not citizens but just residents of our country), but since then, the donations have fallen off. The blood banks could really a few deposits right now. If you have never done so, it is rather simple, easy and virtually painless. This entire procedure takes less than forty-five minutes. Plus you get a free soft drink and some munchies for your effort.

And so it goes.